mojo's cumin back which spells danger

Yesterday was ridiculous i spent most part of it in bed wallowing listening to the same songs over and over again it was almost like i was grieving for goodness sake. Eventually i manged to go to work in the late afternoon, working with the delinquents cheered me up and then i had a frank and honest conversation with my senior manger, she is like an older version of me but more extreme lol she was quite honest about her past and her sexual relationships which i found quite comforting. Anyways later that night Mr Educated phone me, he spoke softly telling me he had read my letter however he didn't understand all my behaviours this is his un empathetic side however we manged a pleasant conversation which flowed and was quite sweet, at one point it was like nothing had happened [which spells danger]. Mr Educated explained to me that he was extremely mad at me and he needed a couple of days to calm down however he could see this coming and new things were not working out. He then dropped a bombshell on me telling me he was leaving to go and work abroad for a few weeks for business and that he didn't want to go half way across the world and leave with bad feelings and without speaking to me. I thanked him for his openness and he asked if he can see me before i went so i said yeh, i have a feeling that its going to go back eventually to how it was, how it always goes, but i think i just want to be friends with him close friends and just see how it goes. Its the beginning of the week so we will see how it goes.
I've been thinking about Mr Caring constantly and talking to him on the phone, i've started having sexual thoughts and feelings about him and desires to get sexual i've always fancied him and there is a sexual chemistry however as i always say i dont want to mess up the friendship. Anyways i was speaking to him and i told him about my blog, he was intrigue by it and said he wanted to see however i told him that i didn't want him to see it and that it was a way of releasing stress and anxiety's about my life and very personal especially as it stuff written in it which was directly about him. We eventually compromised and decided that i would copy and paste extracts from it which i did, well i copied and pasted the whole thing and showed it to him lool. I didnt expect his reaction to be so shocked he dropped the line are all these events true when i said yes! He said wow! He then proceeded in his very sweet way of going through parts and telling me how far i had come and the good person that i had grown into which was sweet. The whole bits dedicated to him became quite awkward and embarrassing he wanted to know more, which i did explore a little bit, however it became so embarrassing as there was  a lot of 'lol' exchanged and that is how it ended really bit weird he wants to meet up tomorrow.....however we will see. I'm still extremely lost in translation, unsure of everything and as horny as hell lol but at least i feel like Ive come out of the dark and into the light. Mr Educated got in contact with me bless him looool so we will see and watch this space as i feel there is so much more to come in this 'Life of Leanora'.........

feels like my heart is officially broken

Feels like my heart is officially broken, i'm in bed and have been since last night, food cant tempt me to get out nor can the toilet lol. I hate this part right here. The realization that your relationship is over and your being ignored, Mr educated is know longer apart of my life and as much i started to despise him i still love him, i know it cant work but part of me wants to cling on, part of me doesn't want to be alone with my thoughts, it's the thoughts that drive you crazy, its the thoughts that hurt. Ive had Maxwell on repeat for 24 hours now, i know i need to get a grip but right now maybe i just need to allow myself to go through this pain. On the other side when i eventually get out of this, great things are to come.....................